Cell Phone Mystery

I realized after typing this blog up, that the story sort of fades in and out of past and present tense. Sorry.

All right, so the other day Nicholena and I were at a Target store. It was almost closing time, so we hurried up and paid and left. But, when we got outside into the parking lot, I noticed a very high-tech looking device lying on the ground. So, I walked over to it, and lo and behold, it is a cell phone. Like, a really fucking nice cell phone.

I'm not supercellphonesavvy, so I don't really know what kind it was. It was from Sprint. And it read "Palm" on the front-ish. Palm Sprint? That sounds familiar, but I dunno shit... It looked kinda like a "Blackberry" phone...kinda...

Anyway, it was fuckin' nice. So, I pressed a key and...voila! It worked! And I thought, "Damn. This sucks for the person who lost this thing." But, there was no one around to ask about it, so I took it. And I decided that I was going to try and figure out to whom this cell phone belonged.

But, that's pretty tricky when all you have to go by is a cell phone. So, I thought, "Well, I'll just call someone from their address book and ask 'em about the owner." Easier said than done. Whoever owned this phone basically knew everyone on the fucking planet. They had the most ridiculous amount of contacts I had ever seen. Lots of businesses too. And a whole lot of non-937 area codes. So, I was like, "Shit. A lot of these people might only barely know who this person is." But, then I got an idea.

"I'll just browse through the infinite list of contacts until I find a common last name. Because then I might be able to assume that they are family members and they would surely help out." So I perused until I found the last name "Bain" a whole bunch. So I called (actually, Nicholena called because I was too scared lol) a Todd Bain. Todd's picture came up when the number was dialed and he looked about 14, maybe 15 years old. Blonde. White.

Anyway, Todd never picks up, so Nicholena leaves a message explaining everything. But, amidst her message, the phone rings. The number comes up, but no name is attached to it. So Nicholena answers:

"Hello?" she asks.
"Sherry?" a male voice responds.
"Actually, no this isn't Sherry. I just found this phone in a parking lot and I'm trying to find the owner," Nicholena explains.
"Oh," says the man. "Well, this is Sherry Bain's phone." (I totally got the last name thing right!)
"Oh, okay. Well, do you know her?" asks Nicholena, somewhat stupidly.
"Uh, yeah," the man responds, in an arrogant tone. "I'm her boyfriend."
"Oh, okay! Great!" Nicholena enthusiastically replies. "Then, you'll probably see her soon. Can you tell her we have her phone?"
"Yeah, actually, I'll just call her at home and let her know," says the man. (I believe he also said that he works with her and that he could just tell her at work the next day.)
"Okay, have her call me on my cell phone," Nicholena said. "My number is..."
(Nicholena then gives her number to the man. They say goodbye and hang up.)

But, then, about a minute later (2 minutes max), Sherry's phone rings. Nicholena picks up the phone, looks at it, and it reads, "Sherry Home." So, Nicholena answers:

"Hi, is this Sherry?"
"Uhhmm, yes it is," Sherry says, sounding quite confused.
"Oh, good! My husband and I just found your phone outside of a Target," Nicholena replies.
"Okay..." Sherry responds, still sounding confused.
"Yeah, I just talked to your boyfriend and he said he would call you at home," explains Nicholena.
"Oh," she says, sounding somewhat surprised, still very befuddled. "Okay..."

I don't think Sherry's boyfriend ever called her. For one, Sherry called very shortly after we talked to her boyfriend. She was probably just trying to find her phone, not even expecting anyone to pick up. Which is why she sounded so confused and surprised.

Nicholena and Sherry go on to set up a meeting place to return her the phone (I guess Sherry was afraid to give out her address to us, which is fair). So, we meet at some big church, in the parking lot. We pull up next to Sherry's car (she told Nicholena on the phone that she drove some gold SUV thing), and she gets out and walks over to me (I'm in the passenger seat). She looks to be in her mid-to-late 30s, maybe 40. She is sort of pretty for her age. I open the door and hold up the phone for her to see. She smiles and says:

"Oh my god, thank you so much!"
I say, "Oh, no problem!" as warmly as I can.
She breathes a sigh of relief when I hand her the phone. "Do you want me to buy you guys a couple'a drinks or something?"
"Oh, no, we're fine, thank you!"
"All right. Well thank you again! This is, like, my life right here!" she says, holding up her cell phone.
"Word, yeah,"I respond, idiotically. "Well, if you happen to get a call from a Todd Bain, it's because we called him, trying to find you, and we left a message explaining what happened and stuff, okay?"
She nods and smiles and says, "That's my step-son. I'll let him know I got my phone back."
"Okay, well have a good night!" we say.
"Okay thank you! You too!" And she gets in her car and drives away.

And everything was fine...

But, then Nicholena and I got to thinkin'...

Wait a minute. "Step-son?" I thought she had a boyfriend. I mean, we talked to him. Well, okay maybe it's just her boyfriend's kid. But...no...no, wait a minute. Her step-son's name is Todd Bain. Todd Bain. Her last name is Bain too. Which means, in all likelihood, for her step-son to share her last name, she would have to have married his father. Which would mean she has a husband.

But, she has a boyfriend too????? Is this bitch cheatin'!?!?!?!?

So, we thought about it and it makes sense:

1.) Sherry has just about every person she's ever met catalogued in her cell phone's address book. But, her boyfriend's number isn't listed??? As you may recall from earlier in this story, when her boyfriend called, his name did not show up. Just a number. Considering she has so many people in her phone, you'd think she'd have her boyfriend listed.

2.) Right after Nicholena got off the phone with Sherry, she told me that Sherry seemed very freaked out when Nicholena told her that she had just talked to Sherry's boyfriend. Might she be freaked out because no one is supposed to know about this boyfriend? Possibly...

3.) Again, her step-son's last name is the same as hers. Now, I know that this could be because of a variety of things (maybe she's recently divorced, maybe she divorced the dad but kept the last name, maybe she just happens to have the same last name, etc.), but none of those things seem quite as likely to me, especially in light of the two aforementioned reasons.

So, yeah, anyway...I did a good deed. But, was I helping some cheating broad? I guess I'll never know.